What is normal, really?
Are we ever actually normal — or do we just learn how to look normal?
From a very young age, we’re trained into certain behaviors, values, and expectations. We learn what’s acceptable, what’s praised, what’s rewarded. Over time, that becomes our definition of “normal.”
But that definition isn’t neutral.
It’s taught.
And once something is taught early enough, it stops feeling like a rule and starts feeling like reality.
Normal as a mask
When I look back now, I don’t think “normal” was ever meant to mean who we truly are.
It became a mask.
A way of fitting in.
A way of not standing out.
A way of being safe inside the social structure around us.
And over time, we forget we’re even wearing it.
We start confusing the mask for ourselves.
We start believing that what feels forced is what’s real.
And what feels natural becomes something we suppress, manage, or outgrow quietly.
Why “normal” used to work
Maybe in the past, that version of normal actually made sense.
When society was more stable.
When paths were more predictable.
When what you were promised actually matched what you experienced.
But society has changed.
Work has changed.
Economics have changed.
Technology has changed.
The pace of life has changed.
And yet the definition of “normal” hasn’t really updated with it.
So now people are trying to live inside a model that no longer fits the world it exists in.
And instead of questioning the model, they question themselves.
The fear of not being normal
Part of what keeps this going is fear.
If you don’t follow what’s normal, you risk being left behind.
You risk being misunderstood.
You risk being seen as irresponsible, unrealistic, or naive.
So people stay inside a structure that doesn’t work for them because it feels safer than stepping outside of it.
Even when staying hurts.
Even when staying costs them their energy, their curiosity, their mental health, or their sense of self.
A different definition
What if “normal” isn’t what you’ve been taught?
What if normal is simply your baseline — who you are when you’re not performing, adapting, or trying to fit into something?
What if normal is what’s left when you stop forcing yourself into a shape that isn’t yours?
Maybe the reason “normal life” stopped working isn’t because something is wrong with you.
Maybe it’s because the version of normal you were given was never designed for who you actually are — or for the world as it exists now.
A quiet thought
So maybe the question isn’t:
“Why can’t I be normal?”
Maybe it’s:
“Whose definition of normal am I trying to live inside — and does it still make sense for me?”
And what might happen if you allowed your version of normal to look different?
